which literally means “demon-wife”, but is a term to
describe abusive wives. And you probably think “How can these reputations
exist all together?”
Coming from my experience as an international dating advisor,
the answer is… “Love makes you blind”.
A lot of times, in those unsuccessful couples, there are signs they missed out
before they committed to a relationship. Because when you love someone,
your brain doesn't want to face hard truths about them. Especially in
intercultural relationships, people tend to let things slide believing
“This is just a cultural gap”, which is quite dangerous.
So I made a list of red flags you should be aware of in Japanese women.
This information is based on reliable resources such as statistics and studies
out there, Japanese divorce lawyers, matchmakers, dating coaches,
and my own experience including stories from friends. And the later it gets,
the more alarming the flag is. So be sure to read until the end!
No1. She never says her opinion
This is not an initial red flag. Japanese women often don’t share their feelings
to maintain harmony with you, but they can blow up when they hold too much in.
This type of woman expects you to notice that she is frustrated. It is a little bit of
a pain in the ass...
There are also cases she is less concerned about herself, but she is very specific
when it comes to her kids. That would be a nightmare for you becauseyou thought she was agreeable but suddenly turns against you once you
start a family with her. But usually, this kind of scenario is easy to avoid if you
make an effort to communicate.
Again, Japanese women are not used to sharing their opinion directly.
You are more expected to initiate. Keep checking in and make sure she feels okay.
No2. She is from an all-girls school
This is more of a superficial idea so don’t take this too seriously.
In Japan, there are many all-girls schools. All the students are girls there.
And some of those students spent their entire childhood in that environment.
Although some of you might think those girls are innocent, pure, ideal ones,
the reality is a little different.
They have no conception of real-life men, so they tend to have unrealistic
expectations of men.
I grew up in boys and girls schools, but I went to a women-only university.
Some girls there grew-up in all-girls schools and struggled to find
the right man.
I mean, we all struggled as we were young, but for example, I saw those
girls dating their high school teachers, married men, or hosts.
*Hosts are men who entertain female customers through chatting,
pouring drinks, and making customers feel special.
So if you are a woman who is innocent, or lonely, or vulnerable,
it’s easy to get addicted to their service. And I’ve seen a few young women
who were taken advantage of by the hosts.
Or, some of those girls didn’t even try and continued to mingle with girls.
The contrast was extreme.
However, I also saw many women who grew out of it and got married
with no problem.
So it depends on the woman at the end of the day.
No.3 She has no friends
You might know that Japanese people don’t introduce their partners to
each other, and that is true. For that reason, some men take this as
a cultural gap thinking “She doesn’t introduce me to her friends because
she is Japanese.” when a Japanese partner keeps the relationship secret.
I mean, yes, we don’t invite our partners to friend's gatherings or parties,
but we don’t hide it either.
Maybe she just doesn’t have friends. And when a person doesn’t have
friends, that tells you something about the person.
She might become obsessed with you, not in a good way.
Or maybe she can’t talk about you for a reason.
Either way, you want to figure out what‘s going on there.
No.4 She calls herself by her own name
In Japanese culture, it is common to call yourself by your name
when you are little. People usually learn to use first-person pronounce
such as watashi or boku, for boys around the age five to seven.
For example, when my three year old son talks, he goes
“Hiro-kun peed. Good job!”.
He uses his own name when he refers to himself.
This will eventually change and he will say boku as he learns the more
mature communication expectations in school.
However, there are few women who don’t grow out of it.
The reason behind this is usually she wants attention,
or she has a needy nature.
I’m telling you, normal women never do this.
I would assume she is an attention seeker who is high maintenance,
or she is mentally unstable.
By the way, only pay attention to this when she is talking in Japanese.
When a Japanese woman like this talks in English she wouldn't say
“Erica doesn’t like California rolls; it isn’t real sushi.”
No.5 She is always complaining
Let’s be honest. Women tend to complain more often than men.
It’s actually an evolutionary thing.
Women's brains are designed to sense tiny little things to protect their
children from the environment.
So a lot of times we want to release the stress that comes from
sensitivity by talking about it.
On the other hand men’s brains are more designed not to be sensitive
because they more likely need to shake it off and be brave
when they face enemies.
So let women complain from time to time.
But even so, there is a line that will be simply unpleasant.
For example, she complains about the restaurant that you arranged for her.
She is always talking shit about people around her, her circumstances.
Or may even talk shit about your family and friends.
With this type of woman you can also assume she is complaining
about you to her friends.
It’s impossible to make this kind of woman happy. Not recommended.
No.6 No wallet comes out
In Japanese dating culture, it is still common for men to pay for first dates.
There are arguments on this one, and I personally recommend paying especially
when you are the one who asked her out. And it doesn’t need to be expensive.
If you are a man who seeks a sort of 50-50 relationship,
pay attention to how she acts around when you pay the date.
A woman who is on the same page will bring her wallet out of the purse.
At least to show you she is not taking it for granted.
If she is standing there smiling, waiting for you to pay,
that might be a sign that she is just there for a free meal.
These flags so far are just signs that are potentially negative aspects of
her personality. This doesn’t mean you should break up with her immediately.
Sometimes you can talk this out, sometimes she learns as you spend time together.
However, following red flags are more serious,
and you should definitely consider taking some kind of action.
No.7 “This is common sense"
In a relationship, especially an intercultural relationship,
there are always things you do differently.There are also disagreements.
And sometimes you need to address those things.
In that argument, some people use this phrase, “This is common sense.”
For them this is a magical phrase because that makes you feel like
“Wait, maybe I’m wrong.”
and that can be the end of the argument. This is dangerous.
People who strongly believe their way of thinking are hard to cope with.
Because you are the one who always makes compromises, adjustments
and changes for the person.
Most of the abusers actually have this kind of mindset.
“This is the way it is supposed to be, but he didn’t follow it.
So I’m allowed to punish him.”
So if you are dating a Japanese woman and she makes these kinds of statement alot,
such as “This is common sense to me.”,
“This is how Japanese do, you should follow it too.”,
you want to step back and think about it.
Is she really trying to teach you or manipulate you?
No.8 She is dependent on her mom
When a woman is close to her family you might think that’s a good thing.
Some guys think it’s just a cultural aspect because Asians tend to stay
in their parents houses longer.
So they don’t really doubt anything even when a woman has lived with
her family her entire life at the age of thirty something.
In some cases she doesn’t even contribute to housework or chores.
Would that be a good sign?
And the scariest thing is bullying.
You gotta be careful when her mom steps into your conversation
when you guys have fights or disagreements.
Or, even ask you to move into their house when you get married.
Oh this is the worst scenario.Your wife and her mom will stick together
and dominate the house, start bullying you.
There will be no place for you in that house and you will feel miserable.
This is a huge red flag. RUN.
No.9 She is possessive
This applies to any kind of abusive person, but when a woman is
always assuming you are cheating, that’s an instant red flag.
They need to know where you are and who you are with,
and may try to restrict your social circle.
Some men think that’s how much they are loved by their partners
and that is so wrong.
These people are usually projecting onto you.
What she is accusing you of is actually an issue she has personally.
Meaning, after all those restrictions and accusations, she will be the one
who will cheat on you.
Especially when someone tries to restrict your social circle,
you need to get out of the relationship.
This is a common tactic for manipulators, from abusive husbands and wives
to recruiters of cults. So that they can brainwash you, and you can’t ask for help.
This is not about your loyalty as a partner, it’s about domination. RUN.
No.10 She has zero accountability
To me this is the biggest one.
When your woman always blames everything but herself.
Her issues are always the responsibility of others. RUN.
You see this type of person. For example, let’s say this guy makes mistakes at his job
all the time. And he always makes excuses such as “You gave bad instructions”
or “I was unlucky.” or whatever.
These people never say sorry. They don’t admit their fault or change their behavior.
That’s why, when this type of woman cheats on her partner, she blames you for
“making her feel lonely” or says “This guy approached me knowing I’m married.”
This one is easy to miss because usually it starts small.
But eventually there will be bigger consequences because of her not being accountable.
And it’s frustrating because you can’t make any constructive discussions
because she acts like a victim. It makes you feel stuck.
If your partner has this trait, you’ve been warned.
This can hurt the relationship in many ways.
These were 10 red flags to look out for in Japanese women.
I’m sure there were things you would think “That's the same in any woman”,
but that’s the point.
Even when it’s obvious to you right now,
it’s easy to miss out when you are in a intercultural relationship.
So I thought it would be nice to remind you.
If you are dating a Japanese woman but wondering if she is the one for you,
come to my consultation. Cause oftentimes… Men who get stuck with
problematic Japanese women are the ones who are considerate. They want to
respect Japanese communication style, they want to make their women happy.
But some women take advantage of that.
So come talk to me, I’ll help you to figure that out - with no BS.
Dating Advise Consultation Ticket
Or, if you are looking for a meaningful connection with a Japanese woman,
I’m here to support you every step of the way!
Connect with me on LINE or Instagram and see how I can help you.
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